Fifteen years ago, I was asked by a coach "Eileen, do you ever say well done to yourself?" and I remember that this question absolutely threw me, as I didn't know what that actually meant. I sat there quietly for some time and looked back at my life and all the things I had achieved, and not once did I say well done. Why the hell should I? Because there was so much more that I should be doing. This is when I realised that I didn't know how to father myself, and what I mean by this is, that I wasn't able to acknowledge and validate my achievements, as up until that point my brain only focused on what I hadn't done rather than what I had (I kid you not, today this is true of every one of my clients that I work with). For me, self-praise is not about the outcome, it's about the effort and energy of giving something a go and part of your brain, which I call father ego, validates and notices you (rather than continually dismissing yourself). When you learn to father yourself on a daily basis, these four magical things happen:
You start to notice yourself: This can help a part of you to feel seen & heard (which is a fundamental need of every child). For example: "I can see that you are working hard" or "I notice the courage it took for you to do that".
You start to acknowledge and affirm yourself. This can help you to feel that a part of you is interested in you (we all love it when people take an interest in us). For example: "How are you, I can see you are doing your best" or "Well done for giving that a go".
You start reminding yourself of how far you've come. This can help us to focus on what we have achieved (as this takes the pressure off always looking ahead). For example: "Wow, look at where you are now and what you've overcome", or"I so respect how you did that".
When you connect to the father within, you feel more safe and secure within yourself, your confidence increases, and you feel supported to speak your truth. This is so important in our relationships, personally and professionally.
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